The Neal Huntington robocall

Inside the apartment of GENERIC DAMAGED GOODS PLAYER WITH SIGNIFICANT POTENTIAL OF REBOUND (GDGPWSPOR). A cell phone rings. GDGPWSPOR glances at the phone and is puzzled.

GDGPWSPOR: (muttering) 412 area code? Who do I know from there?

He answers the phone. On the other end is a friendly, but strangely stilted voice.

VOICE: HI!

GDGPWSPOR: Uh, h-

VOICE: This is Neal Huntington, general manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates!

GDGPWSPOR: Oh, uh, hi N-

VOICE: I know you probably have no interest in playing for the Pirates-

GDGPWSPOR attempts to interject with an agreement but the voice continues talking unabated.

VOICE: -but we are interested in you!

GDGPWSPOR: Am I talking to a person?

There is a pause just long enough to be uncomfortable.

GDGPWSPOR: Are you st-

VOICE: No! No! We completely understand you want to wait for better offers.

GDGPWSPOR: Huh?

VOICE: But if it gets to be January and you don’t have a job, just remember the Pittsburgh Pirates will be interested in you!

GDGPWSPOR: Thanks?

VOICE: I’m sure we’ll be talking again!

There is tape that hisses on the other end of the line, a beep, and the phone hangs up.

Pat Lackey

About Pat Lackey

In 2005, I started a WHYGAVS instead of working on organic chemistry homework. Many years later, I've written about baseball and the Pirates for a number of sites all across the internet, but WHYGAVS is still my home. I still haven't finished that O-Chem homework, though.

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