Inside the apartment of GENERIC DAMAGED GOODS PLAYER WITH SIGNIFICANT POTENTIAL OF REBOUND (GDGPWSPOR). A cell phone rings. GDGPWSPOR glances at the phone and is puzzled.
GDGPWSPOR: (muttering) 412 area code? Who do I know from there?
He answers the phone. On the other end is a friendly, but strangely stilted voice.
GDGPWSPOR: Uh, h-
VOICE: This is Neal Huntington, general manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates!
GDGPWSPOR: Oh, uh, hi N-
VOICE: I know you probably have no interest in playing for the Pirates-
GDGPWSPOR attempts to interject with an agreement but the voice continues talking unabated.
VOICE: -but we are interested in you!
GDGPWSPOR: Am I talking to a person?
There is a pause just long enough to be uncomfortable.
GDGPWSPOR: Are you st-
VOICE: No! No! We completely understand you want to wait for better offers.
VOICE: But if it gets to be January and you don’t have a job, just remember the Pittsburgh Pirates will be interested in you!
VOICE: I’m sure we’ll be talking again!
There is tape that hisses on the other end of the line, a beep, and the phone hangs up.