Neal Huntington is not screwing around

For the life of me, I can’t help but wonder exactly how this went down (via DK at the PG)

According to a scout with direct knowledge of teams’ dealings, Texas recently inquired about Hanrahan, and the Pirates countered by asking for flamethrowing 22-year-old Neftali Feliz, who is currently in the Rangers’ bullpen and averaging more than a strikeout per inning while limiting opponents to a .195 batting average.

That little writeup actually undersells Feliz a bit, as he’s been dominant out of the pen this year and is actually a starting pitching prospect, which is obviously way more valuable than a relief prospect. And I respect that Huntington has no desire to move Hanrahan or presumably Evan Meek because those are two guys you can build a bullpen around, but still …

DREAM SEQUENCE

A phone is ringing.

Neal Huntinton: Neal’s Mortuary Services, we burn, bag, and bury!

Jon Daniels: Neal, it’s Jon Daniels. From the Texas Rangers.

Neal Huntington: Oh, sorry! I thought you were Ned Colletti calling to offer me Xavier Paul for Paul Maholm again and tell me for the thousandth time, “It makes sense because they’re both named Paul!”

Jon Daniels: HAH! Oh, Ned.

Neal Huntington: I know, right?! How do they stay in contention every year?

Jon Daniels: Well, someone facilitated a trade that got him Manny Ramirez for Andy LaRoche and a minor league pitcher …

Neal Huntington: HEY! HEY! You called me, buddy! Say, you have a farm system. Do you want Paul Maholm?

Jon Daniels: I just traded for Cliff Lee. You know, the guy you pray that Paul Maholm magically turns into every night before you go to sleep?

Neal Huntington: That’s OK. I would’ve asked for Andrus, anyways.

Jon Daniels: Chuckling. Actually I’m pretty interested in Joel Hanrahan. Guy’s a horse in the pen and I figure you can use all the rebuilding chips you can get. How about this: You can have whatever failed catching prospect of mine you want. Saltalamacchia, Teagarden, Ramirez, whoever. Pick of the litter!

Neal Huntington: Well …

POOF! An angel appears over Huntington’s left shoulder.

Angel Neal: Play nice with the other GM’s, Neal! Tell him “Saltalamacchia” is just a long way to spell “Doumit,” mention Tony Sanchez, and move on.

POOF! A devil appears over Huntington’s right shoulder.

Devil Neal: No! Ask him for Feliz!

Neal Huntington: Why would I do that?

Jon Daniels: Uh, Neal, what the hell is going on over there?

Devil Neal: Maybe he’s drunk! Maybe he’ll stutter and you can take that for a yes! Frank will destroy him in court if that happens! Who would you hurt by asking?

Angel Neal: Well, there’s your reputation. You don’t want people to think you’re unreasonable. They’ll all laugh at you, you know.

Neal Huntington: Who’s they?

Devil Neal: Daniels. And that stupid blogger you met at spring training. And all his nerd blogger friends. And 80% of the people that appear on the Cochran Sunday Sports Showdown.

Neal Huntington: They might as well call that show, “Bash Neal Huntington for 30 Minutes a Week.” I’d do this job for free just to make them angry.

Devil Neal: My point exactly.

Angel Neal: Yeah, OK, that’s a good point.

Neal Huntington: To Daniels. You want Hanrahan? I want Feliz.

Jon Daniels: You want a three-way deal for Pedro Feliz?

Neal Huntington: Neftali.

Click.

Pat Lackey

About Pat Lackey

In 2005, I started a WHYGAVS instead of working on organic chemistry homework. Many years later, I've written about baseball and the Pirates for a number of sites all across the internet, but WHYGAVS is still my home. I still haven't finished that O-Chem homework, though.

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